this is ladies night: drive-by

11.08.2008

Breaking the Silence

A friend of This is Ladies Night shared with us this brave example of how she broke the silence (ok, and maybe the car door):

"I was leaving work one night and as I was walking home I encountered a car with three men. They were stopped at the stoplight and I was crossing the street to go back home. All of the sudden, they started making cat calls out their window. Instead of reacting I pretended I just didn't hear them. Well apparently that infuriated them because then they started shouting out the window that I was fat and ugly. I was already in a bad mood from work, and I was not going to pretend I didn't hear those comments. I went right up to their car and started kicking it, trying to make as many dents in it as possible. I was so furious, I was yelling obscenities and kicking their front lights and the sides of the doors. Then they started threatening to hurt me so I backed off and went home. It was late at night, there were three large men and I was by myself, but I think they got the message, and hopefully they will think twice about harassing another girl from their car!"

10.26.2008

Drive-by

A friend and I paused our walk home from Adams Morgan one Friday night to meet up with friends at 17th and U. We weren't standing there for five minutes before one...two...THREE different cars had slowed down, opened their windows, honked their horns, and hollered at us. One group of gentlemen suggested we were "working," standing on the corner, "scantily"-clad so late at night (nice, guys.) My friend and I rolled our eyes and tried to ignore the attention, continuing our conversation about our plans for the rest of the weekend.

As the minutes passed, I realized it wasn't just the 'cat-callers' uncomfortable with our presence on that corner. Several cabs pulled over to the side of the road, and even at our insistence that we were walking and didn't need transport, they repeatedly called at us to ride with them. "Really, NO THANKS." A side note: it's totally unfortunate that women need to take cabs everywhere because these streets are too 'dangerous' for them.

The funniest part of the experience was the man who came to rescue us two 'damsels in distress.' Enjoying an end-of-the-night kebab, the man crossed U St to tell us he'd been watching us in his apartment window and wanted to "make sure we were alright," aka "make sure we were taken care of." I just said yes and stared at my feet. My friend, though, had had enough. She yelled, "WE'RE JUST STANDING HERE, WE'RE FINE, BYE!!!" It might have come off as an overreaction, which caused the man to stumble away down U St, but after some thought I understood her frustration. It's like women need a reason to be out on the corner, a validation for their presence outside. Its like a woman out late, dressed a certain way, without male companions is automatically rendered a 'damsel in distress,' or a whore (to stick to the age-old madonna/whore binary. sorry!) Yes, the cab driver and maybe even the kebab guy were being "helpful," but helpful toward accomplishing what? We were hanging outside in our neighborhood just minding our business. We felt safe until all of this unwanted attention was thrust upon us---just for existing. Constructing women as easy victims, targets, and weak actually contributes to the culture of fear that keeps so many of them marginalized and 'indoors'--rather than making them feel 'safer.'

In retrospect, I really admire my friend's fiery response. Next time I'll holler back, too.

You CAN handle the truth:

"Violence is but one means by which men as a class enforce conformity of women as a class. Moreover, it is not necessary for all men to engage in violence against women, since the very threat of violent censure is constantly with women. Violence against women, then, is indeed a "classic" form of hate crime, since it too terrorizes the collective by victimizing the individual. In so doing, hate crime against women reaffirms the priviledge and superiority of the male perpetrator with respect to the female victim" (Perry "In the Name of Hate," 2001:83).

"Harassment becomes a frequent response to women's invasion of male bastions. It is a means to simultaneously create a particular masculinity and enforce a particular exclusive femininity...Men often perceived sexual harassment of women as a well-deserved response to their economic and professional advances. Their encroachment into male realms interferes with, indeed calls into question, men's ability to prove themselves to be men" (Perry "In the Name of Hate," 2001:91).

"Sexual Harassment allows for the reassertion of masculinity and femininity, and especially the 'natural' differences between the two...it reassures men that they are at once heterosexual and empowered, and [reminds] the women that they are sexual objects." Many women do not report harassment and simply stay away from the harasser/place of harassment instead of seeking out justice (Perry "In the Name of Hate," 2001:91).

"'Prejudice' is a hostile attitude directed specifically toward the members of an outgroup" (Jack Levin, "The Violence of Hate," Page 1)

"Gender-motivated violence is a mechanism that perpetuates the marginalization of women, gay men and lesbians. Moreover, gender motivated hate crime also provides a very useful resource for doing gender, especially for accomplishing hegemonic masculinity." (Barbara Perry, "In the Name of Hate," Page 5)

A bit radical but still resonates truth: "From prehistoric times to the present...rape has played a critical function. It is nothing more or less than a conscious process of intimidation by which all men keep all women in a state of fear." (Brownmiller 1975:14-15 in McPhail, B. (2002) in Perry, "Hate and Bias Crime: A Reader," Page 267)

"Although not all women are raped, most women fear rape. (Gordon & Riger, 1989). Women alter their daily lives in numerous ways to avoid the violent behavior of men. Choundas (1995) noted, 'While potential victims of racial, ethnic, or religious violence might attempt to avoid certain neighborhoods in which prejudice might run particularly rampant, women remain safe from street harassment and violent assault only by straying out of those areas known as public' (pp1090-1091). And yet, even in "private," women are not safe from the hands of intimate partners. Again, this intimate relationship often cloaks the reality of the violence" (McPhail, B. (2002) in Perry, "Hate and Bias Crime: A Reader," p271).